Disclaimer: Paramount we love you great multimedia corporation you, but you’ll never put our Captain in that swimsuit, or him for that matter, a bit more nudity please (preferably male).

By Leigh Ashgan & KittyKat

The mess hall was bustling as usual. Alpha shift had just finished and hungry crewmembers were bravely attempting another of Neelix’s culinary adventures.

"When Starfleet said to boldly go where no-one has gone before they obviously had never tasted Neelix’s food." Remarked Tom as he gingerly picked at the purple unidentifiable object on his plate.

"Just close your eyes and eat it. Use your imagination and it tastes just like chicken. Quick before Neelix notices!" B’Elanna muttered into her plate as the cook shuffled past the table.

"B’Elanna what chicken have you ever tasted?" hissed Harry as he also examined the specimen before him,

"Perhaps we should get the Doctor to have a look at this, it probably contains a new type of life, it would be a crime to eat it." Tom began to chuckle so hard he had to place his fork down unto the table. B’Elanna decided to change tack so that Neelix wouldn’t get suspicious.

"So how is the life of a medical assistant compared to the life of a pilot?" But instead of frowning as he usually did, Tom broke into a very wide grin,

"At least as a pilot I don’t have to put up with the doctor but today had its unexpected bonuses!" Harry looked up sharply and with the tone that usually meant trouble,

"What did you get up to? Please tell me that this time we won’t have to go see Commander Chakotay again." Tom smirked and replied mysteriously,

"Quite frankly I’ve seen all that I want of Commander Chakotay today! And anyway I don’t think I could look him straight in the eye." B’Elanna set down her drink, her curiosity piqued and asked,

"What happened?" Tom smiled and paused for dramatic effect,

"Well you know that the doctor developed his program to bring in his holo-imager so he could improve his crew medical histories. Well a certain first officer was in today for his check-up." He paused, for effect.

"Yes! Go on" Urged B’Elanna.

"Well routine check-ups are now a bit too routine for our great Doctor so the lowly medical assistant i.e. moi, gets the privilege. So I took the picture, ran some tests everything was fine, OK see you in six months. But I was checking the emitter later, and discovered a glitch so I activated the latest recording which was our dear commander and boy did I get the shock of my life. Not only could you not access the internal readings, you also couldn’t get clothes on the man!" He slapped B’Elanna’s back as she began to choke on some of her ‘chicken’ gloop. She took a drink. She said a barely straight face,

"I can see how that would be a shock." Harry looked shocked

"What did you do?"

"Well I tried to turn the damn thing off. Unfortunately not before I got an eyeful and it was a ‘full’ eyeful I can tell." B’Elanna looked interested.

"So um, how would you rate the Commander’s er ‘attributes’, then Tom." Tom looked suspicious.

"Why would you want to know B’Elanna?" B’Elanna took another bite of her meal.

"Well Seska and I used to be close, and she if she was anything she was frank. Went into great detail about her ‘relations’ with Chakotay, and she did say he was rather well endowed, but you know, she was Bajoran, well I thought she was and I wasn’t sure what she was using as a comparison." Tom looked appeased. Harry shook his head,

"I cannot believe we are having this conversation!" Tom ignored hi,

"Yeah well I can tell you she was right." He looked around cautiously and demonstrated with his hands. Harry’s mouth fell open.

"Really? You have got to be joking? That has got to be abnormal." Tom threw him a rather depressed glance.

"I know makes you feel a bit inadequate doesn’t it?" B’Elanna patted his hand sympathetically.

"It’s OK Tom, it’s not the size that matters it’s what you do with it that counts, although according to Seska he was pretty good at that as well." Tom sighed and continued poking at his meal.

"Anyway I found more interesting things to look at that didn’t make me feel inadequate!"

B’Elanna looked up sharply and said with an unmistakable edge,

"What did you look at other than the male members of the crew?" Tom looked at her,

"B’Elanna if I wasn’t going out with you that could be misconstrued into something else, or maybe people could think we are into different kinds of fun!" B’Elanna turned red as the meaning of her words hit her,

"So Harry, anything interesting happen on the bridge this afternoon." She said trying to change the topic. The group were blissfully unaware that their conversation had been overheard, in fact if Tom hadn’t been so quick to tell his news or B’Elanna and Harry to hear it they would have spotted the lone listener of their conversation.

Kathryn could hardly hold her breath until she reached the turbolift, but when the door shut she let out a laugh. Her face still slightly red, she began to think. How the hell was she supposed to look the Commander straight in the face again without wondering? Not to say that she hadn’t ever wondered, but she would need to find out for her own peace of mind. She could try and hack into the medical files, but the Doctor had caught her the last time when she had tried to delete his programme and had probably installed some fail safes.

So she would need to think of a situation where she could get a look without arousing suspicion, oh bad choice of words Kathryn. But then again maybe not, perhaps a well co-ordinated attack in the briefing sessions.

The next day she was ready to go to battle and was waiting for the perfect time to set her plan into action. The opportunity came around when Seven was giving her briefing on the latest star system they had encountered. Slowly Kathryn edged her boot along to her right making extra careful not to touch anything until she was ready. Silently she pushed her boot off with the other foot and waited. She took her chance when he began to subdue a yawn; quickly she raised her toe sliding it all the way up from his ankle to calf, reaching his knee. She then slowly inched her way up his thigh, which was a little tricky as she didn’t have the longest legs in the Quadrant, but she’d had the foresight to be sitting as close to the table as possible and her ballet training had made her very able at stretching. Chakotay shot her a shocked look, but she looked back pointedly and continued with the briefing. Her next phase of her plan would have to be done quickly, so she then poured herself a glass of water. Setting it very close to the edge of the table, she then motioned for B’Elanna, who was sitting beside Chakotay, to hand her the Engineering report. When she started to retract the padd she ‘accidentally’ knocked the glass of water. Chakotay hearing the clatter of the glass on the table and Kathryn’s pseudo gasp reacted the only way he knew how, he pushed his chair back to avoid the cascade of water that was flowing over the edge of the table. Kathryn looked over in interest while the others looked on in shock. The meeting broke up within the next few minutes and both Kathryn and Chakotay remained behind.

"Ah Captain, may I ask what exactly that was all about?" Kathryn looked over at him with her sternest look and crossed her hands,

"Commander I would prefer it if you would pay attention during the briefings. I was simply trying to capture your interest." With that she turned sharply on her heel and walked out of the briefing room leaving a very bewildered first officer. But when the doors shut she issued a small damn for the designers at Starfleet, why did they have to make the uniforms so concealing. He had definitely had been ‘interested’ but to what extent she couldn’t be sure and the black had not made it any easier under the lights.

It was time for plan B!

The next opportunity came later on during the week; Kathryn was resting after her shift in her quarters. She was waiting, she knew Chakotay came in after his Hoverball practice with B’Elanna because she had checked with the computer before hand and she had done some previous research. Quickly she stuck her head out into the corridor, seeing the retreating back of B’Elanna as she walked towards her own quarters. She retreated back and waited the estimated time she had calculated. Then she left her quarters and walked a small distance and stopped outside his door. Tapping in her override code, she entered silently into his quarters. She could hear a soft singing coming from her right and so she decided to head in that direction, softly calling his name,

"Chakotay, Chakotay?" She then saw the illumination coming from the bathroom, congratulating herself on her sense of timing. Unfortunately she was walking so fast that she didn’t spot his discarded boots on the floor. Tripping and issuing a curse as she fell forward and rolled onto her back. When she looked up she found herself staring into the face of a rather confused Chakotay, who much to her disappointment was dressed in a robe.

"Commander, hello." Mentally urging him to step forward a little as she tried to surreptitiously push herself back. Noticing her shuffling back he asked her,

"Captain, have you hurt your back?" She flashed him an indignant look and pushed herself upright,

"No Commander, but perhaps you should think about where you leave your shoes the next time."

"Well Captain if I knew that you would be sneaking into my quarters I would have put them away." Kathryn stood up and turned to face him,

"I was not sneaking any where. You didn’t answer your hail, and I did call your name twice but YOUR singing obviously was deafening you to anything else!" She then again turned on her heel and walked out of the room, leaving an even more bewildered Chakotay. Outside she leaned against the wall she uttered a little scream of frustration, onto plan C!

Kathryn was standing in the holodeck. She was wearing a high cut one-piece vivid red swimsuit, which was hidden under a robe; other members of the crew were walking around her in various types of swimsuit. She was feeling rather pleased with herself. Why hadn’t she thought of this before? Perfect. A swim meet, what could be better? She knew that Chakotay had been a bit of a jock in his day, and she’d pretty much made it compulsory for him to be in it. Crew morale and all, it would be good for them to see their senior officers taking part. She rubbed her hands in anticipation. She watched him as his race was called and he turned to drop his robe. Oh god dammit! Why could the man not work with her? He was wearing Starfleet issue shorts, had he never heard of aerodynamics. Still he wasn’t that bad to look at in the shorts. She watched his race half-heartedly, naturally he won. She needed to think of a plan D, and quickly, this was beginning to get ridiculous. She was struck by sudden idea. At the end of the meet the final race was announced, this was what she had been waiting for. This was race was nicknamed the free for all, because anyone could enter and use whatever stroke they wished to win the race. Spotting Chakotay mounting his podium she quickly asked Lieutenant Torres to step down, as she wanted to compete. She stepped up onto the podium and turned when she heard Chakotay call her name,

"Kathryn don’t you think you should leave your robe behind?" She smiled,

"Of course Chakotay I forgot." She untied her sash and let the robe fall down to her feet. She heard the collective gasp from some of the members of the crew (well she looked pretty good for her age if she did say so herself) and looked to Chakotay to see his reaction. Unfortunately the whistle was blown and all the swimmers dove for the water.

She entered her quarters feeling disheartened, she guessed she was destined never to know. She sighed and flopped down on her couch. She looked up as the door sounded,

"Enter." She called. Chakotay walked wearing his uniform.

"What the hell is going on with you Kathryn? Have you completely lost your mind? That incident in the briefing room, breaking into my quarters? The swim meet? I though Harry Kim was going to pass out, his mouth was still somewhere on the floor when I left. I think you’ve been working too hard." Kathryn cringed. OK this was going to be embarrassing, but heck the guy was going to have the Doctor declare her unfit for duty in a moment.

"All right. But it’s really silly, and you are going to be really embarrassed." She stood up pulling down the bottom of her swimsuit; it was a little too high cut.

"The thing is, I overheard this conversation, I’ll not mention who it was, but um they were talking about your…" She gestured with her hand,

"And I just wanted to know if it was true." Chakotay looked at her,

"My what?" He asked baffled. She sighed,

"Do you know the old Earth theory about a man’s shoe size? Well apparently you have a rather ‘big feet’."

"Kathryn, I’m still not with you." She walked and stood on her tiptoes and whispered into his ear. He went red, even the tips of his ears, which she though was kind of cute. He cleared his throat.

"Well Kathryn, if you wanted know so badly why didn’t you just ask me?" He said as he began stripping off his uniform, she went red to the tips of her ears, which he thought was kind of cute. She hadn’t realised that a uniform could come off that quickly.

"Commander…" She coughed as her voice broke.

"My you definitely have big feet!"

Later, when lying on her back on the floor, she said in wonder

"Tom Paris was certainly accurate."

"TOM PARIS!? How the hell does Tom Paris know?"

Finito

(09/01/00)