This story was inspired by the Savage Garden song, 'Two beds and a coffee machine.' I thought although the situation was different it would personify what Kathryn would feel inside her. The lyrics are used without permission but I hope they won't hold it against me, and of course they (Sony and Savage Garden) own the rights on this I simply borrowed them. Paramount own Voyager and all who reside within her. Any feedback (good or bad) send to this address

by Leigh Ashgan

Janeway sat thinking as the computer played a song from the database that Tom had given her after she had complained of suffering from a migraine.

"Here this something I put together for when I have to think about stuff, it always helps me relax."

At first she was dubious to it's effects, but then Chakotay replied,

"You have been working far too hard, you should try whatever you can."

The haunting melody played out as the husky voice of the lead singer emerged from the mixture of piano soft tones and the rich sound of violins and cellos. The song was about a woman who was being beaten by her partner, and how she tries to escape. Kathryn could feel the tears slip down her cheeks as the singer describes how still the woman has to return because of her children. Kathryn couldn't help but empathise, because although she loved the crew of Voyager often captaining them felt like she was being battered both physically and emotionally.

She tried to shake herself mentally, but the effects of the song still hit her. The loneliness of this woman as she tries to get her life back, but the years just seem to escape her as she sacrifices her life for those she loves and protects.

"Sounds a bit like you."

The quiet voice suddenly brought her back to her present state, and she swivelled to see her first officer observe her from behind her easy chair.

"How long have you been in my quarters?"

He smiled sadly,

"Long enough to hear the song in total. It does remind me of you. It reminds you of yourself doesn't it?"

"Don't be ridiculous! I don't wallow in such self-pity!"

Again he smiled softly, with a tinge of regret,

"Nonsense. You are human Kathryn, and ever now and then we all indulge in a little self-pity. But you are allowed it you already give so much of yourself to protect Voyager."

" I'm telling you Chakotay, I'm just getting a little emotional at the sentiment of the song. I am not pulling any personal message out of the song." Kathryn whispered,

" You don’t sound very convinced by your own arguement. Why because the woman in the song has weaknesses? She won't abandon the situation because of the people involved?"

Kathryn stared into the darkness of her quarters, and then breathed deeply as the singer wonders how the woman will survive.

"Why do you think that I identify myself with this woman?"

"Because you blame yourself for the situation that we are in, and yet you can't do anything about it except to keep moving and not let it affect those under your protection. Just like her."

She raised her head to stare at the man who stood above her, and slowly got up.

"Chakotay, I do blame myself for the situation, you already know that. But I will not let you believe that I do not want my job."

"I never insinuated that, but I do know that if it had been me I would have probably gone mad or abandoned ship. It doesn't mean that I don't want or love the job, but sometimes we have to admit our limits."

Kathryn felt the new tears spill over her cheeks, as she felt the intense pain at the fact that he knew her so well and yet it always felt that he was on the other side of a chasm that she couldn't reach. She took a deep breath and turned to face him,

"Commander Chakotay, I am fine and if you do not have any ship business to discuss me perhaps you could leave me alone."

She was surprised when he smiled the same sad smile, and reached out and grabbed her hand,

"I know Kathryn, but you were never or are alone on this journey. We are always here for you, perhaps one day you will allow us to look after you one day. Let's just hope that you don't leave it too late."

Without another word, he turned and walked out of her quarters. Kathryn collapsed on her floor and started to sob as the song began to play again.